joke bank - Word Play Jokes

Q: What does a lawyer wear to work?
A: A law suit.

guyloften

Ya need an ark? I Noah guy.

Anonymous

A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go of a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunk, "How dare you belch before this woman!" The drunk says, "I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go first."

Mark My Words

Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A flasher ran up and whipped open his coat. Two of the old ladies had a stroke and the third couldn't reach.

Carlisle

Q: Why couldn't Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.

Anonymous

Q: What Do You Call A Cow With No Legs
A: Ground Beef

Anonymous

Just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of my penis. Definitely won't be shagging one of those again.

Robin Bowen

Q: How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
A: You rocket.

Anonymous

Q: Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
A: Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!

cupquake

The lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life," but john came fifth and won a toaster.

bobby johnson

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman, and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a great looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."  So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

jamiedawg17

What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES - There is a mile between the first and last letters!

beauty94