joke bank - Word Play Jokes

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender turns to him and says, "Sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here." The next day, clinging to a thread, the string returns to that same bar and orders a drink again. The bartender, resolute, again turns and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but like I said, we don't serve strings here. I'm going to have to ask you not to return." Dejected, the string returns home. All night he tosses and turns, wriggles and writhes, and awakes the next morning not at all resembling himself. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he brightens and jets out his door to that bar. Swaggering in, he orders a drink one more time. The bartender stares at him, squinty eyed, and asks, "I'm sorry, are you a string? You look very familiar." The string locks eyes with the bartender, and states, "No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."

missrose

Q: Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

A: Cause he was outstanding in his field.

Anonymous

I just bought a cured ham; I wonder what it had.

Brandon

Q: Why did the house go to the doctor?
A: It was having window pains.

Capricorn37

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

Mark My Words

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

amuradi

Q: How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A: A buccaneer!

Kay wat???!

A magician was driving down the road... then he turned into a driveway.

Anonymous

My wife and I are planning our 21st wedding anniversary celebration. Here lies the problem: she wants to go to Outback Steakhouse, I want sex, and my mother-in-law thinks we should renew our vows at church. Well, I'm all for compromise, so we should have sex outback of the church.

Mark My Words

Q: Which state has the most questions?
A: Alaska.

joke lover

What do you call a piece of cheese that isn't yours? A: Nacho cheese.

Anonymous

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?
A: "Dam."

ink123