CHRIS D'ELIA IS BACK ON THE LUCK OF THE IRISH SHOW ON FEB. 23RD! LAUGH ALL NIGHT WITH SOCAL'S BEST COMICS ON ALL-STAR COMEDY EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY NIGHT IN HOLLYWOOD! YOU NEVER KNOW WHO COULD DROP BY ON THE SET DANE COOK IS BACK THIS TUESDAY (FEB 20) AND SATURDAY (FEB 24) TO MAKE YOU LAUGH ALL NIGHT! DON'T MISS THIS SO GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

joke bank - Word Play Jokes

A tomato dad, mother, and son are walking in a street. The tomato son falls behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on him, and yells, "Ketchup!"

arish2200

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? Because he ate his pizza before it was cool.

lizconrow

Q: Why did the ink pots cry?
A: Their mother was in the pen doing a long sentence.

Anonymous

A husband says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear gold tonight." The wife replies, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change?""

Justin19S

Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, "Hey, grab that electron, it's mine!" "How do you know?" asks the second. "'Cause I'm positive!" the first replies.

kstny

Q. Why do anime fans listen to the radio in the morning?
A. Because they enjoy car toons!

hello_the_...

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don't cry. It's only a joke.

my dog

A church's bell ringer passed away. The church posted the job opening in the local newspaper's classified ads and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head, producing a beautiful melody. They gave him the job on the spot. The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two priests were walking past. One asked, "Do you know this guy?" The other responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."
The next day, the dead man's twin brother came in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also had no arms. The clergy led him up to the bell tower, where he ran at the bell, tripped and fell to the sidewalk below. The same two priests walked up. The first asked, "Do you know him?" The second responded, "No, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

Snowman

Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A stick

Anonymous

The lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life," but john came fifth and won a toaster.

bobby johnson

Q: What's the difference between a pygmy tribe and a high school girls track team?
A: The pygmy tribe is a bunch of cunning little runts.

Mark My Words

Q: How do convicts get drugs while they're in prison?
A: Some asshole brings 'em in.

Jimmy Carr