joke bank - Word Play Jokes

A church's bell ringer passed away. The church posted the job opening in the local newspaper's classified ads and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it. They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head, producing a beautiful melody. They gave him the job on the spot. The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two priests were walking past. One asked, "Do you know this guy?" The other responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."
The next day, the dead man's twin brother came in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also had no arms. The clergy led him up to the bell tower, where he ran at the bell, tripped and fell to the sidewalk below. The same two priests walked up. The first asked, "Do you know him?" The second responded, "No, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

Snowman

Q: How do convicts get drugs while they're in prison?
A: Some asshole brings 'em in.

Jimmy Carr

Q: What's the difference between a pygmy tribe and a high school girls track team?
A: The pygmy tribe is a bunch of cunning little runts.

Mark My Words

The Lone Ranger woke to see his tent blown away by a tornado. He declared, "Tonto, we’re not in canvas anymore."

@flipyou_c...

Q: Why were the Indians here first?
A: They had reservations.

Silenxio M...

Pick up line: "Are you a beaver because damn!"

Chase Azevedo

Q: What did the zombie girl say to the zombie boy?
A: "Are you going to kiss me or rot?"

James A Ha...

The other night I played strip poker with my old lady: she stripped and I poked her.

Mark My Words

Q: What do you call a man that has no shins? A: Tony.

Anonymous

Fuddy: "I can't believe they are still together after all the shit they have been through!"
Duddy: "Who?"
Fuddy: "My butt cheeks."

Facebroke

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. She couldn't believe it when I rode pasta.

Ryan gillett

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madame.
Madame who?
Madame foot is caught in the door!

Jordo