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joke bank - Word Play Jokes

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in. It's cold outside.

Anonymous

Q: What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?
A: "Nobody's perfect!"

Rob P Post

A teacher was testing her students' knowledge of words' antonyms. She asked, "What is the opposite go?" A student answered, "Stop." "Very good," the teacher replied. "What is the opposite of adamant?" Another student said, "Eveant."

Mekdanny

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

TheLaughFa...

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Chicken your pockets. I think the keys are in there.

Anonymous

Q: What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A: A buck an ear (buccaneer).

randylesser

Q: What is the king of all inches?
A: The ruler.

Anonymous

Have you heard about the crime in multi-story parking decks? It's just wrong on so many levels.

Anonymous

A lawyer and a regular average Joe are on a plane together. The pilot comes on the speaker and announces that the flight will take up to 16 hours. The lawyer turns to Joe and says, "Okay, I have a game we can play while we pass the time. You ask me any question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50. Then, I get to ask you a question, any question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5." The average Joe says, "Okay, what has four legs going up a hill, and three legs at the bottom?" The lawyer thinks for a moment, then hands Joe $50 and says, "Wow, that was tough. I don't know, what does have four legs going up a hill and three legs at the bottom?" Joe then hands the lawyer $5 and says to him, "There's your $5."

jdawg13849

Q: What do you call a girl with one leg?
A: Aileen.

Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It is vey time consuming.

Anonymous

Q: Why did was the Mexican fast food vendor arrested?
A: He was planning a tacover.

D Hawk