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joke bank - Word Play Jokes

My mom drinks Diet Coke despite knowing full well of the repercussions to her health. You might say she's a sodamasochist.

Back Jerte...

Q: Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?
A: Because it was rated Rrrrr.


What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.


An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard, "Woman without her man is nothing." The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote, "Woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote, "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."


Q: What goes up a chimney down, but cannot go down a chimney up?
A: An umbrella.

Dan Romaine

Q: What do the starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
A: They both probe Uranus and wipe out Klingons.

Mark My Words

A pirate walks into a bar and it appears that he has a steering wheel to a ship in front of his trousers. In fact, it looks like his penis is stuck through the center of it. The bartender says, "Hey pirate! You've got your penis stuck in a steering wheel!" The pirate replied, "Arrrr, I know! It drives me nuts!"

Sirhc a site for sore eyes.

Tim Vine

A man walked into a bar and heard, "Great tie!" He looked around and seeing no one, he heard again, "Beautiful suit!" Wondering what was going on, he saw the bartender walk up and said, "I heard a voice talking about my suit and tie, and that they looked cool, but no one's around. Dude, what's up?" The bartender smiled, "Oh yeah, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"


Q: What's a frog's favorite drink?
A: Croak-a cola.


Q: Why should you never trust a toilet?
A: Because it's full of shit.

Michael le...

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Marry who?
Marry me, please!