joke bank - Word Play Jokes

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear.

Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
A: Microchips!

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?

THREE TREES AND A WOODPECKER
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into."

Now wipe that smile off your face.

Three ladies were on a bus stop bench. One of the ladies looks at the other and asks her if she is Native American, She says, "Yes, I'm Arapaho." "Is that so?" says the first, "It just happens that I'm a Navajo." The third lady looks at both of them and says, "I'm a Dallas hoe."

Q: Why did the school kids eat their homework?
A: Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world?
A: The library, because it has so many stories.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.