joke bank - Word Play Jokes

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.

Johnny was at school and the teacher said, "Someone use fascinate in a sentence." Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny replied, "I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

Q: Why did the school kids eat their homework?
A: Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."

Q: Did your hear about the man with a broken left arm and broken left leg?
A: Don't worry he's "ALRIGHT" now!

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.

Q: What is Mozart doing right now?
A: Decomposing.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."

A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."