joke bank - Word Play Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.

I went to the bank the other day and asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me!

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Johnny was at school and the teacher said, "Someone use fascinate in a sentence." Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny replied, "I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

Q: Did your hear about the man with a broken left arm and broken left leg?
A: Don't worry he's "ALRIGHT" now!

Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.

Q: What do you call stoned Mexicans?
A: Baked beans.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."