joke bank - Word Play Jokes

Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
A: Fingernails.

Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he neverlands.

Q: How come oysters never donate to charity?
A: Because they are shellfish.

Q: What do you call someone without a nose or a body?
A: Nobodynose.

A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said," It- it's- IT'S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!"

One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'" The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police. While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?" The robber said, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"

Q. What is the color of the wind?
A. Blew.

Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

Q: Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

Q: What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his bum.

A teacher asked, "Johnny, can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" Little Johnny responded, "Drin-king, smo-king, and f*c-king."

Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
A: Because the cows have horns.