joke bank - Word Play Jokes

Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Innkeeper: "The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed."
Guest: "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.

Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time.

Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.

There were two cannibals who captured a man. They decided it would be fair if they started eating from opposite ends. After a few minutes, the one who started at the head asked the other one, "How's it going down there?" And the other one replies, "I'm having a ball!"

Q: What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A: A Christler.

Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away her "w".

Q: What did the banana say to the doctor?
A: "I'm not peeling well."

Q: What has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog because it croaks every night.