Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? Yeah, he pasta way.
A man is telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really?" answers the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "12:30."
Q: What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A: A small medium at large.
Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.
A husband says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear gold tonight." The wife replies, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change?""