Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey and an onion?
A: A piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye.
Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?
So he could see her crack!
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?" His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES - There is a mile between the first and last letters!
19 Irishmen go to a cinema. Ticket lady says, "Why are there so many of you here tonight?" Mick replies, "The fillm says 18 and over, miss."