One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'" The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police. While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?" The robber said, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.
A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."
Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world?
A: The library, because it has so many stories.
Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."