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joke bank - Word Play Jokes

A lot of people cry when they cut an onion. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

Scott Walter

Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time.

Apineash a...

Q: What did the banana say to the doctor?
A: "I'm not peeling well."

TheLaughFa...

Q: What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
A: "Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob."

dhattprettymf

Q: Why did the painting go to jail?
A: It was framed.

Capricorn37

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

rigocarr86

Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work?
A: Because they know all the short cuts!

hello_the_...

Q: Why did the duck go to jail?
A: Because he got caught selling quack.

Anonymous

A man who is just married is flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride is to accompany him the next day. When he gets there, he e-mails his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sends the e-mail, he mistypes the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose husband has recently passed away, receives the e-mail. She reads it, screams, and faints. Hearing her grandmother’s cry, the widow's 18 year old granddaughter runs into the living room to see the computer on, with a message that reads, "Dear love, I just got here. Preparing for your arrival tomorrow. Can't wait to see you. Love, Me. P.S. Sure is hot down here."

gericagijane

Q: How do fish get high?
A: Seaweed.

claudette

Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.

Steven Casby

Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.

Takeoff Zebra