What do cars eat on their toast? Traffic jam.
Little Johnny's friend calls to invite him over, but little Johnny says, "I can't, I'm grounded." His friend asks, "Why?" and he replies, "My mom called me a son of a bitch, and I said, 'Yup, you got that right.'"
As I was walking down the street, I noted a man with a large pole in his hand and stopped to ask, "Are you a pole-vaulter?" His response was, "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
What did the pony say when he had a sore throat? Sorry, I'm a little horse.
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? A: It's okay. He woke up.