Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it'd be a foot!
Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.