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Steve Martin: Life after Brains

By Jamie Masada Jul 05, 2016

The Laugh Factory Magazine:
Is there anything you prefer not to discuss and what would you like to say about it?

Steve Martin:
I would prefer not discussing the fact that I am shrinking at the rate of two to three inches per year.

LFM:
Do people mistake you for any other celebrity?

Martin:
Absolutely not. They always say, “Look it’s Steve Allen!”

LFM:
Do you have a fan club?

Martin:
I am told I have a fan club that spans the globe. I am trying to find out what “spans” means. I think it has something to do with “Spic and Span,” and means I have a fan club that completely cleans and waxes the globe.

LFM:
What’s the biggest problem with being famous?

Martin:
The money. The most fun part is signing autographs and being nice to everyone you meet.

LFM:
What kind of underwear do you wear?

Martin:
The regular “sock” underwear so popular with many of today’s male entertainers.

Life after brains...

LFM:
Have you ever been arrested for anything involving a Labrador Retriever?

Martin:
As I said in my statement to the police, I have never known a Labrador Retriever and I believe my acquittal should be enough to stop this kind of question.

LFM:
What do you like better: girls or oven-fresh pastry?

Martin:
There’s a difference?

LFM:
What’s your favorite line for picking up American girls?

Martin:
Is that a flashlight in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

LFM:
What do you think of women’s lib?

Martin:
I support it one hundred percent, as long as the people running it realize its all a big joke and they should stay in their place.

LFM:
Would you enjoy playing animal roles?

Martin:
I think every actor would like to play the classic animal roles like a Lassie or a Rin Tin Tin. But I would not like to create an animal role from scratch; right now I would like to remain in the human or alien realm.

LFM:
How about inanimate objects?

Martin:
Let's give them a big hand.

LFM:
We’ve noticed that you no longer do “Happy Feet” in your act. Are you seeing a podiatrist?

Martin:
"Happy Feet" was retired in 1980 and I am happy to say is living very well in Mexico.

LFM:
What would you like to see on our tombstone?

Martin:
Steve Martin, Born, 1945; died, 2083.
 

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