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A roman walks into a cafe holds up 2 fingers and gets 5 coffees.
Never confide in a vacuum cleaner. They're always collecting dirt
Why does snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo-Drizzle.
What do you call a nose with no body? No body nose
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did... I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through.
Q. Why are mountains not just funny? A. They are also hill areas.
I have a phobia of over engineered buildings. I have a complex complex complex.
Q: What did one penny say to the other penny? A: Lets get together and make some cents!
Q: What did the ocean say to the beach? A: Nothing it just waved
Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
Q: Why did the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia stay up all night? A: She was wondering if there really is a dog.
Late one night, a preacher was driving on a country road and had a wreck. A farmer stopped and said, 'Sir, are you okay?' The preacher said, 'Yes, I had the Lord riding with me.' The farmer said, 'Well, you better let him ride with me, because youre gonna kill him.'
Q: Whats red and bad for your teeth? A: A brick.
Knock, knock. Whos there? Joanna. Joanna who? Joanna build a snowman?
Knock, knock. Whos there? Yodelay hee. Yodelay hee who? I like your yodeling!
I think I killed my best friend. He asked me what was the best thing for sunburn and I told him, 'Sit in the sun for eight hours.'
Q: Why is a river rich? A: It has banks on both sides.
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!” Another Roman walks up to the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
Q: What's the best thing about Switzerland? A: I dont know, but the flag is a big plus.
A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right. The statistician yells, 'We got em!”
Teacher: 'What is the chemical formula for water?' Student: 'HIJKLMNO.' Teacher: 'What are you talking about?' Student: 'Yesterday you said its H to O!'