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Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Q: What kind of wood doesnt float? A: Natalie Wood.
Q: What does Mortal Kombat and a church in Helsinki have in common? A: Finnish Hymn!
Q: What did Gandhi say to the British, after they asked him to move? A: Nah, mastay.
Dear NASA, Your mom thought I was big enough. - Pluto
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle.
'Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.' — Phyllis Diller
What kind of sushi does Lady Gaga eat? Raw, raw, raw, raw, rawwww!
The New Jersey 'Tanning Mom' has recently create a doll and called it the 'Tanorexia' doll. The doll was so ugly, it turned Ken gay.
After listening to some of Whitney Houston's last, raspy performances, it was pretty clear she didn't end her career on 'high' note...or did she? Tox report still pending.
Did you hear about Whitney Houston's funeral? The line leading to the coffin stretched into the street. A few people showed up too.
I don't really like watching basketball, I just watch it to find out who the next member of the Kardashian family will be.
Why did Mickey Mouse go to space? To visit Pluto.
So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, 'What are these clocks for?' St. Peter replies, 'These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice.' The man then asks, 'So where is George Bush's clock?' St. Peter replies, 'Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fan!'
Why did LaBron James skip college? Because he would never make it to the finals!
It's a little unfair that Mike Vick is looked down upon for dog fighting, and The Mario Bros. are celebrated from taking mushrooms and turtle bashing.
'Well, I could be wrong, but I believe, uh, diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.' - Ron Burgundy, Anchorman
What is the differece between Han Solo and Chewbacca? One's a hairy and inaudible man and the other one's Chewbacca.
What's green and sings? Britney Spearagus.
How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach? You look for the sesame seed buns!
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
How much coke has Charlie Sheen snorted? Enough to kill two and a half men.
Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?<br>A: Dr. Dre!
What type of meat does Lady GaGa eat? Raw raw raw huh haa!