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3 unwritten rules of life . 1) 2) 3)
How does Santa count his girl elves? HO HO HO
It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. 'What is that?' he asked. She said, 'I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo Merry Christmas, and on the inside of the other one they tattooed Happy New Year.' Perplexed, he asked, 'Why did you do that?' 'Well,' she replied, 'now you cant complain that theres never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!'
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: 'Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas.' Santa writes back, 'Dear Timmy send me me your mommy.'
What did the skeleton tell the doctor in the club? I need some body to dance!
Why don't witches have babies? Because their husbands have Hallo-weenies!!!
What's a turkey's favorite song? 'I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas'
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween.
Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall St Journal? He heard it had great circulation...
Q: What is a mummys favorite type of music? A: Wrap!