joke bank - Clean Jokes

Bob: "Holy crap, I just fell off a 50 ft ladder."
Jim: "Oh my God, are you okay?"
Bob: "Yeah it's a good thing I fell off the first step."

Anonymous

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

TheLaughFa...

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Joke maker

Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

Deyc Daveyton

Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad!

polina

Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

Audra, Me,...

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.

Mark My Words

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"

dherter

Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!"

Anonymous

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

TheLaughFa...

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

Anonymous

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."

Terence Ol...