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joke bank - Popular Jokes

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

Its More F...

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

Anonymous

Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

LaughFactory

Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me."

Anonymous

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

swaggerboy

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

astghik

Yo momma is so fat that Dora can't even explore her!

Haydenjr1

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

rockabillyray

Yo momma is so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Anonymous

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

marquez007

Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.

Anonymous

Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.

Anonymous