Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".