Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
Yo momma's so fat and old when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way.
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."