Your momma is so ugly she made One Direction go another direction.
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."
Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.
Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me."
Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.