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joke bank - Animal Jokes

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Addie scott

Q: What is the difference between OJ Simpson and the Lion King?
A: The Lion King is an African lion and OJ is a lyin' African.

adonis

Q: What did the beaver say to the tree?
A: "It's been nice gnawing you!"

Anonymous

A man's big rottweiler has been losing its vision, so the owner brings the dog to the vet. The veterinarian picks the dog up and says, "I will have to put him down." The owner asks, "Why? Because he's blind?" The vet replies, "No, he's heavy. I need to put him down."

arandownes

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a vacuum?
A: A cocksucker.

Brett rose...

Q: What time is it when a elephant sits on a fence?
A: Time to fix the fence.

Anonymous

Q: What do you call a man attacked by a cat?
A: Claude.

Anonymous

A midget with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, "I'd like to sthee its teeth." So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its ears." Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." "Excuse me?" says the farmer. The midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse's twat. The midget's legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The midget looks at the farmer and says, "I think I'll rephrase that, I'd like to sthee it run."

vogez8

Q: Why did the duck go to jail?
A: Because he got caught selling quack.

Anonymous

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out fire.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks.

Anonymous

What is green and red and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

Anonymous

Q: What do you call a duck that steals?
A: A Robber Duck.

SAM&THEYSE...