Chocolate Sundaes is live this Sunday!

joke bank - Animal Jokes

A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"

Anonymous

A midget with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, "I'd like to sthee its teeth." So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its ears." Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." "Excuse me?" says the farmer. The midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse's twat. The midget's legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The midget looks at the farmer and says, "I think I'll rephrase that, I'd like to sthee it run."

vogez8

A man's big rottweiler has been losing its vision, so the owner brings the dog to the vet. The veterinarian picks the dog up and says, "I will have to put him down." The owner asks, "Why? Because he's blind?" The vet replies, "No, he's heavy. I need to put him down."

arandownes

Q: Why did the duck go to jail?
A: Because he got caught selling quack.

Anonymous

Q: What time is it when a elephant sits on a fence?
A: Time to fix the fence.

Anonymous

Q: What do you call a duck that steals?
A: A Robber Duck.

SAM&THEYSE...

What did Matthew McConaughey say to the owl poachers? Owl rights, owl rights, owl rights.

Anonymous

Q: What do you call a man attacked by a cat?
A: Claude.

Anonymous

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out fire.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks.

Anonymous

Q: Why don't Batman and Robin go fishing?

A: Because Robin eats all the worms.

My English...

What is green and red and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

Anonymous

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the house. Knock Knock! (Who's there?) The chicken!

farzam