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joke bank - Animal Jokes

A man's big rottweiler has been losing its vision, so the owner brings the dog to the vet. The veterinarian picks the dog up and says, "I will have to put him down." The owner asks, "Why? Because he's blind?" The vet replies, "No, he's heavy. I need to put him down."

arandownes

Q: Why did the duck go to jail?
A: Because he got caught selling quack.

Anonymous

A midget with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, "I'd like to sthee its teeth." So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its ears." Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." "Excuse me?" says the farmer. The midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse's twat. The midget's legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The midget looks at the farmer and says, "I think I'll rephrase that, I'd like to sthee it run."

vogez8

Q: What do you call a man attacked by a cat?
A: Claude.

Anonymous

What did Matthew McConaughey say to the owl poachers? Owl rights, owl rights, owl rights.

Anonymous

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out fire.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks.

Anonymous

Q: Why don't Batman and Robin go fishing?

A: Because Robin eats all the worms.

My English...

What is green and red and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

Anonymous

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the house. Knock Knock! (Who's there?) The chicken!

farzam

Q: What says "Eoo?"
A: A cow with no lips.

joke bank

How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end smiles.

Rubym8

Coach: "Why are you late for the game?"
Caterpillar: "I had to put my shoes on."

Cherri