Why are sharks mostly salt water creatures? Because pepper would make them sneeze.
A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says, "If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment." The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the man takes the shivering bird out of the freezer, it says, "I promise to never swear again. Just tell me what that turkey did!"
Why do gorillas have large nostrils? Because they have fat fingers.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end smiles.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.