Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
A: Made a website!
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?," asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"
Q: Why are fish easy to weigh?
A: Because they have their own scales.
Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out fire.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks.