joke bank - Animal Jokes

A man walk into a bar and says, "Give me something to drink just no vodka." The bartender asks, "Why? That's your typical drink of choice." The man replies, "Because last night I got drunk and blew Chunks." The bartender says, "Well, it's normal to blow chunks if you drink too much. The man says, "No, Chunks is my dog."


Q: How does a cow sneak off a farm?
A: Right pasteurize.


What did the chicken say when it got to the library? "Book book book book book book book..."


Why do gorillas have large nostrils? Because they have fat fingers.


Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with an ant? A: A giant.


Q: What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
A: A wonkey.


The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


Q: What do you call a duck that steals?
A: A Robber Duck.


A midget with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, "I'd like to sthee its teeth." So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its ears." Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." "Excuse me?" says the farmer. The midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse's twat. The midget's legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The midget looks at the farmer and says, "I think I'll rephrase that, I'd like to sthee it run."


Yo momma's so fat, when she went to the zoo, elephants began throwing peanuts at her.


Q: What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?
A: Lost.


A man dining at a restaurant flagged down his waiter and said, "Excuse me. I have a bee in my soup." The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Didn't you order the alphabet soup?"