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joke bank - Animal Jokes

Want to hear a dirty joke? The white horse fell in the mud.

tambro

A snail entered a police station and told an officer, "I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!" The officer replied, "Why that's terrible. Did you get a good look at them?" "No sir, it all happened so fast!"

jake9364

What did the doctor say when a pony came in complaining about a sore throat? "I know what's wrong here; you're just a little hoarse!"

Torybarton

A guy walks into a bar with his monkey and tells the bartender, "What do you say you buy me a drink if I can get this monkey here to bl*w me?" The bartender agrees and the guy smacks his monkey upside his head. The monkey falls over, jumps up, pulls the guys thing out, and starts bl*wing. Another guy at the end of the bar has been watching in amazement and says, "Hey, can I try that?!" The monkey owner says, "Sure," and the other guy says, "Okay, just don't hit me that hard."

Papaloco

Q: What's a frog's favorite drink?
A: Croak-a cola.

p.n.

A crab walks into a bar and asks for something to drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we do not serve food."

weston

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe out of that thing

CLAYBALLTR...

Q: What do you call a bulldog and shih tzu crossbreed?
A: Bullshit.

Anonymous

Joe takes his friend Steve hunting for the first time, and reminds him to be still and keep quiet. An hour into the woods, Joe hears Steve screaming behind him. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" says Joe." Hey, I kept quiet when the snake bit me," says Steve, "and I was quiet when the fox attacked me, but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg just now, I heard one ask the other, 'Should we eat them now or take them with us?'"

asmart0ne

A religious woman buys a parrot and takes it home. As soon as she gets the bird in its new cage, it starts hollering, "I'm a whore! I'm a whore!" The lady is embarrassed and asks her minister if she should return the foul-mouthed bird. The minister suggests, "I have a well-behaved male parrot who sits in its cage and prays all day long. Perhaps if we put your bird in with mine, your bird will see the error of its ways and become more pious." The next day, the woman takes her parrot to the minister's house and puts her bird in with the praying parrot. After a few seconds, her parrot starts saying, "I'm a whore! I'm a whore!" The priest's parrot replies, "Come on in honey, that's what I've been praying for!"

Anthony J

Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station!

sarainthesky

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Seaweed