joke bank - Animal Jokes

Two flys are out on a date, so they go out on the town and see fresh dog poop on the side of the road. They rush down and start feasting, when one of the flies stops and has the biggest relieved face. The other fly asks, "Are you okay?" The fly responds with a squirmish smile and the other fly smells something funky and says, "Dude, how rude! You fart while I'm eating!"

Dmontiel23

Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz

9

Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station!

sarainthesky

Q: What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A: A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!

JacyBro Rose

Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot!

emm0921

Why did the unwashed chicken cross the road twice? Because it was a dirty double crosser.

Juliarivas86

Two doctors are on a golf course at the tenth hole. One of them looks up in the trees and sees an owl asleep on a branch. One doctor says to the other, "I'll bet you $100 I can give that owl a vasectomy and that owl won't even wake up." The other doctor says, "You've got a bet." The first doctor climbs up the tree, does the operation, and comes down from the tree. The owl never wakes up. The second doctor, not to be outdone, says, "I bet you the same that I can give that owl a tonsillectomy and he won't wake up." The second doctor climbs up the tree, does his operation, and the owl never wakes up. An hour later, the owl wakes up, flies to another tree, sees another owl and tells him, "Whatever you do, don't fall asleep in that tree by the tenth hole, because when I woke up after a nap, I couldn't hoot worth a fuck or fuck worth a hoot!"

Mark My Words

A man is attending a function in another village, riding a horse. As he is about to go, he notices that his horse is missing. He shouts, asking for his horse, but nobody seems to know where it is. "If I don't find my horse, I will do exactly what I did when I lost my first horse!" Suddenly, the horse appears. Out of curiosity, a man goes up to him and asks, "What did you do when you lost your first horse?" He replies, "I walked."

200219871

What magazine does the big bad wolf read.

Porks Illustrated

ConMan

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Anonymous

There were three pigs. The first pig went to a bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left. The second pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, went to the bathroom, and then left. The third pig went to the same bar, ordered a drink, gulped it down, and was just going to leave. The bartender asked if he was going to the bathroom, the third little pig said, “No, I’m the little pig that goes weee weee weee all the way home.”

lesvuoso27

Q: Why did the emu cross the road?
A: Because it was the chickens day off.

Anonymous