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joke bank - Animal Jokes

There is a drunk guy in a bar and a big, fat woman with a parrot on her shoulder. She sits by the drunk guy and he looks over at her and says, "Where'd you get that hog?" She looks at him and frowns. He takes a few more drinks, then he says, "Where'd you get that hog?" She looks and says, "I'll have you know, this is not a hog, this is a parrot!" The dude says, "Well I'll have you know, I was talking to the hog."


What do you call a T-rex with a sombrero on? A tyranosaurus-mex.


A giraffe walks into a bar and lies on the floor. The bartender says, "Whats that a lyin' on the floor?" Another bargoer replies, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"


Q: How many tickles does it take to get a Octopus to laugh?

A: Ten Tickles.

Nate Layson

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils? Because they have such big fingers.


I drove my sister's guinea pig to the vet this morning. My new golf clubs work great!


What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff!


A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"


How do you make a horse laugh? Tell him your schlong is bigger than his. How do you make a horse cry? Show him.


A rabbit walks up to a bear that's sitting next to a tree. The bear asks the rabbit, "Excuse me, but do you have a problem with sh*t being on your fur?" The rabbit, thinking for a moment, replies, "No, not at all." So the bear picks up the rabbit, and wipes his ass with him.


What happend when the duck fell upside-down? He quacked up!


How do you make an elephant float? You put two scoops of elephant in a cup and add soda.