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joke bank - Animal Jokes

Q: Where do cows go to get some culture? A: The mooseum!


There is a drunk guy in a bar and a big, fat woman with a parrot on her shoulder. She sits by the drunk guy and he looks over at her and says, "Where'd you get that hog?" She looks at him and frowns. He takes a few more drinks, then he says, "Where'd you get that hog?" She looks and says, "I'll have you know, this is not a hog, this is a parrot!" The dude says, "Well I'll have you know, I was talking to the hog."


Q: How many tickles does it take to get a Octopus to laugh?

A: Ten Tickles.

Nate Layson

What do you call a T-rex with a sombrero on? A tyranosaurus-mex.


Why do gorillas have such big nostrils? Because they have such big fingers.


A giraffe walks into a bar and lies on the floor. The bartender says, "Whats that a lyin' on the floor?" Another bargoer replies, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"


A rabbit walks up to a bear that's sitting next to a tree. The bear asks the rabbit, "Excuse me, but do you have a problem with sh*t being on your fur?" The rabbit, thinking for a moment, replies, "No, not at all." So the bear picks up the rabbit, and wipes his ass with him.


What is out of bounds? An exhausted kangaroo.


I drove my sister's guinea pig to the vet this morning. My new golf clubs work great!


What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff!


Fed up with failure in preventing coyotes from killing his sheep, a rancher brought out his rifle to eliminate the pack. Suddenly, a federal bureaucrat rushed up and breathlessly screamed, "Wait, there's no need to do that. We've developed a new drug that renders them impotent." "I don't know what y`all do in Washington," drawled the rancher taking aim again, "but out here the coyotes eat the sheep."


A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"