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joke bank - Animal Jokes

Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea? A: Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.

Anonymous

Q: Why does a cow wear a bell around its neck?
A: Because its horns don't work.

Krispyk

Q: How do you catch a squirrel? A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Anonymous

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

TheLaughFa...

A man needed a horse, so he went to a temple and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, "Thank God," and for it to stop you say, "Amen." So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his horse. Hours later, he woke up and his horse was racing him towards the edge of a cliff. Just in time, he shouted "Amen!" and the horse stopped a few inches from the edge. "Whew," said the man, "thank God!"

moe112

Q: What's the importance of capitalization?
A: You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse.

The Fella ...

Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
A: Made a website!

Anonymous

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagles

Anonymous

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"

Judith McG...

Q: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A: A thesaurus.

Silenxio M...

A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the wish. The man and woman immediately jump behind the bushes and screaming sounds and laughter can be heard from their activities. 12 minutes later they return to the front of the bush again claiming they are finished. "Well now, that was kinda quick!" the genie says. "You can do it a second time for the remaining 3 minutes if you want," the genie tells them, winking his eye. Both the female and male look at each other and smile. The man says to the woman, "Okay great, but this time you get to hold the pigeon so I can shit on him!"

8AR7

Q: What happens when you cross a shark with a cow?
A: I don't know but I wouldn't milk it.

Ahadito