A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food!" The panda yells back, "Hey man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda, "A tree climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats, shoots, and leaves."
Redhead: "You ever smelled moth balls?"
Blonde: "Yes, I think they smell good."
Redhead: "Wow, I can't believe you got your nose between those tiny legs."
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"
Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens didn't exist yet.