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joke bank - Animal Jokes

Q: What does a clam do on its birthday? A: Shellabrate!

angelina

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Addie scott

Q: Where can you find the biggest amount of the largest sized women's lingerie in the world?
A: In Africa: there's thousands of Z bras.

jacobiwins...

Waiter: "Do you want any dessert?"
Teddy Bear: "No Thanks. I'm Stuffed!"

Anonymous

A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too." The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."

ebaquino

Q: Why did the bunny go to the hospital? A: For a hoperation.

Anonymous

Q: What do you call a T-Rex's bruise? A: A dino-sore.

I Rindflei...

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It does not matter, it's not going to come.

NENO

Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude salesmen were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said: "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

mr.minecraft

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.

wmancini

A farmer and his brand new bride are riding home in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbles. The farmer says, "That's once." A little further along, the horse stumbles again. The farmer says, "That's twice." When the old horse stumbles again, the farmer quietly reaches under his seat, pulls out a shotgun, and shoots the horse. His brand new bride yells, "That was an awful thing to do!" The farmer says, "That's once."

Anonymous

Q: Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?
A: Because they were watch dogs.

marty