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joke bank - Clean Jokes

Q: If April showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!

Anonymous

Late one night, a preacher was driving on a country road and had a wreck. A farmer stopped and said, "Sir, are you okay?" The preacher said, "Yes, I had the Lord riding with me." The farmer said, "Well, you better let him ride with me, because you're gonna kill him."

Anonymous

Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
A: Because the cows have horns.

Anonymous

A child goes to his father and asks, "Father, how do parents think of names for their children?" The father answers, "Well, son, the night before the mother gives birth, the father goes into the woods and camps for the night. When he wakes the following morning, the first thing he sees is what he names his child, which is why your sister is named Soaring Eagle. Why do you ask, Bear Poop?"

SaltyDog01

Q: What did one eye say to the other eye?
A: Between you and me, there's something that smells.

Anonymous

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ach.
Ach who?
Bless you! Need a tissue?

Anonymous

There are three friends named Mad, Brain, and Fight. One day Fight went missing and his friends Mad and Brain started searching for him. Then Brain said, "Mad, let's file a missing person report with the police." When they were about to walk into the police station, Brain said, "Mad, you go and make the report. I will wait for you here." Mad said, "Okay." Mad walked in but no police officers paid attention to him. Then he saw a policeman drinking a cup of coffee. Mad went to the officer, smacked the table, and the cup of coffee flew in the air, landing in the officer's lap. Angry, the policeman asked, "Are you looking for a fight?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am." The policeman asked, "Are you mad?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am Mad." The policeman then asked, "Don't you have a brain?" Mad replied, "Brain is outside sir."

Anonymous

Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

cj

Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time.

Apineash a...

Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.

Takeoff Zebra

Question: What did one toilet roll say to the other toilet roll?
Answer: "People keep on ripping me off!"

Anonymous

A man called his child's doctor, "Hello! My son just snatched my pen when I was writing and swallowed it. What should I do?" The doctor replied, "Until I can come over, write with another pen."

Gerri