joke bank - Clean Jokes

Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he neverlands.

Cole Langan

A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."

Anonymous

An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"

Brandon

Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A chalkboard.

Berry

For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through.

madazzahatter

Q: What do you call someone without a nose or a body?
A: Nobodynose.

Dude

Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
A: Fingernails.

TheLaughFa...

Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work?
A: Because they know all the short cuts!

hello_the_...

A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."

Anonymous

Q: Who is the poorest guy in the south?
A: The Tooth Fairy.

mum

Paddy and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. Paddy says, "Murphy, why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?" Murphy thinks for a minute then says, "That's easy. It's 'cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the friggin boat!"

c sud

Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

Anonymous