Chocolate Sundaes is live this Sunday! Stay tuned to see the biggest names of comedy on New Material Night with Kevin Nealon Catch Tim Allen monthly on our Hollywood stage

joke bank - Clean Jokes

Q: What stays in one corner but travels around the world?
A: A stamp.

Maja Zajac

Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands.

jj zenir

Patient: "I get a terrible pain in my eye when I drink a cup of coffee."
Doctor: "Try taking the spoon out."

Anonymous

A child goes to his father and asks, "Father, how do parents think of names for their children?" The father answers, "Well, son, the night before the mother gives birth, the father goes into the woods and camps for the night. When he wakes the following morning, the first thing he sees is what he names his child, which is why your sister is named Soaring Eagle. Why do you ask, Bear Poop?"

SaltyDog01

If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Anonymous

Q: What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire?
A: Bernadette.

Anonymous

Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.

Matt Rees

Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.

brock

There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."

Mikayla

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over the policeman says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

TheLaughFa...

A mom and a son come home from the grocery store. The boy immediately empties out a box of animal crackers and the mom asks him why. The boy says, "You should not eat it if the seal is broken, so I'm looking for the seal."

Anonymous

Q: What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A: The letter "m."

Iggy