Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
What do cars eat on their toast? Traffic jam.
Q: How can you get four suits for a dollar?
A: Buy a deck of cards.
Q: Why is a river rich? A: Because it has two banks.