WE CHANGED OUR OPEN MIC! FIND US ON TWITTER @THELAUGHFACTORY FOR DETAILS

joke bank - Clean Jokes

Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

Audra, Me,...

Q: What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
A: Decalfeinated.

Anonymous

A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman was surprised & replies, "Yes, how did you know?" The clerk answers, "Because you're ugly."

SoftWars

Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A chalkboard.

Berry

Late one night, a preacher was driving on a country road and had a wreck. A farmer stopped and said, "Sir, are you okay?" The preacher said, "Yes, I had the Lord riding with me." The farmer said, "Well, you better let him ride with me, because you're gonna kill him."

Anonymous

During an impassioned sermon about death and final judgement, the pastor said forcefully, "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement." Glancing down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile on his face. The minister repeated his point louder. "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!" The man nodded and smiled even more. This really got the preacher wound up. He pounded the pulpit emphatically when he came to the ultimatum: "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!!!" Though everyone else in the congregation was looking somber, the man in front continued to smile. Finally the preacher stepped off the platform, stood in front of the man and shouted, "I said each member of this church is going to die!" The man grinned from ear to ear. After the service was over, the preacher made a beeline for the man. "I don't get it," the preacher said in frustration. "Whenever I said, 'Each member of this church is going to die,' your smile got bigger. Why?" "I'm not a member of this church," the man replied.

Cindy H.

Q: Why is the barn so noisy?
A: Because the cows have horns.

Anonymous

Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.

Matt Rees

Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

Anonymous

Q: How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?
A: Put up a Bingo sign.

Chocolate ...

Q: What did the banana say to the doctor?
A: "I'm not peeling well."

TheLaughFa...

For a period, Houdini used a trap door in every single show he did…I guess you could say it was a stage he was going through.

madazzahatter