Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Q: What do you call a duck that steals?
A: A Robber Duck.
A young boy is pulling his wagon up a hill when one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down the hill. The young boy says, "I'll be darned." A local pastor heard him and said, "You should not say that. Next time your wheel falls off say, 'Praise the Lord.'" So the next day the young boy is pulling his wagon up the hill and the wheel falls off and rolls down the hill. The young boy says, "Praise the Lord." The wheel stops rolling, turns around, rolls back up the hill and puts itself back on the wagon. The young boy being very surprised by this exclaims, "I'll be darned!"
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.
What goes up and down stairs with out moving? Carpet.