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joke bank - Clean Jokes

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”

Anonymous

Q: Did you hear about the guy who dreamed he was eating a giant marshmallow?
A: When he woke up, his pillow was gone.

joejoej13

Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.

Syd the Kyd

Q. Why did the apple run away?
A. Because the banana split!

hello_the_...

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. "Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man.
"Jewish," the man replied.
"Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said.
"Religion?" he asked the second man.
"Muslim."
"Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Religion?" he asked the third man.
"Agnostic."
"Go to room 71, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Why must I be quiet when I go past room 8?" the man asked.
The secretary replied, "Oh, the Catholics are in room 8, and they think that they are they only ones here."

Guybrush

Q: Why didn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was on the deck.

slic hated

One day a duck walks in a store and ask the manager if they sell grapes. The manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes." The duck goes home and comes back the next day and asks the same question. The manager says the same thing again, "No, we do not sell grapes." The duck goes home, comes back the next day, and asks the manager if they sell grapes. This time the manager says, "No, we don't sell grapes! If you ask one more time, I will nail your beak to the floor!" The duck goes home. It comes back the next day and asks the manager if he has any nails. The manager says, "No, I don't have any nails." The duck says, "Okay, good. Do you sell grapes?"

FuzzyPanda123

Q: Why did the man take toilet paper to the party?
A: Because he was a party pooper.

Keyke

Q. What did the pop star do when he locked himself out?
A. He sang until he found the right key!

hello_the_...

What do cars eat on their toast? Traffic jam.

Anonymous

Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless!

Anonymous

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Nobel."
"Nobel who?"
"No bell that's why I knocked."

jean hegarty