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joke bank - Clean Jokes

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. "Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man.
"Jewish," the man replied.
"Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said.
"Religion?" he asked the second man.
"Muslim."
"Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Religion?" he asked the third man.
"Agnostic."
"Go to room 71, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."
"Why must I be quiet when I go past room 8?" the man asked.
The secretary replied, "Oh, the Catholics are in room 8, and they think that they are they only ones here."

Guybrush

Q: If you were forced to go through one of the following doors, which door do you go through with 100 % certainty you'd stay alive: a door with a man with a gun behind it, a door with a tiger who hasn't eaten in 7 years behind it, or a door with an electrical chair behind it?
A: The one with the tiger behind it, because if it hasn't eaten in 7 years it's dead.

Kroft

Q: Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball.

ellie pick...

If number two pencils are so popular why are they still number two?

Sarah

Q. What can you give and keep at the same time?
A. A cold!

hello_the_...

Q: Why did Cinderella fail at basketball?
A: Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.

EMILYMACARONI

If a man opens the car door for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Anonymous

Question: What did one toilet roll say to the other toilet roll?
Answer: "People keep on ripping me off!"

Anonymous

Q: How do you create light by using water?
A: Clean the windows!

Anonymous ...

Nurse: "The invisible man is here for his appointment."
Doctor: "Tell him I'm sorry I can't see him right now."

Skylar May

Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing naked around his John Deere. "What are you doing!" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing sexy to a tractor." [to attract her]

Rockyz

Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.

Matt Rees