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joke bank - Clean Jokes

Q: When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, what happens?


Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?

A: No ballroom.


Q: Why are fish easy to weigh?
A: Because they have their own scales.


Being an astronaut is funny. It's the only job where you get fired before you start work.


Q: What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? A: "Someday my prints will come."


Q: Why is a river rich? A: Because it has two banks.


Q: How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
A: You rocket.


A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I've led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”


A redneck's last words are always, "Hey y'all, watch this!"


Q: A cowboy left Montana to go to Texas on Friday and came back on Friday. How did he do it?
A: He named his horse Friday.


Q: Why couldn't Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.


Q: Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
A: Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!