joke bank - Clean Jokes

Q: What do you say to a lollipop when you throw it away?
A: "So long sucker!"


A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.


Man- What would you do if I won the lottery?
Woman- Take half and leave!
Man- Well, I won 20 bucks, here's 10, now get out!


Q: Why did the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia stay up all night? A: She was wondering if there really is a dog.

Mark My Words

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: "A miner be flat" (A minor B-flat).

Dylan and ...

Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

Too many Cheetahs!


Q: What is tall when it's young and short when it's old?
A: A candle.


Q: Why do pirates like algebra?
A: "Annex" marks the spot.


Dad: Son, I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No.
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: Okay then!
Dad goes to Bill Gate.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No.
Dad: My son is the CEO of the world's greatest bank.
Bill Gates: Okay then!
Dad goes to the CEO of the world's greatest bank.
Dad: Make my son the CEO.
CEO: No.
Dad: My son is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
CEO: Okay then!


Q: Why do seagles fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagles!


Q: What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer?
A: A jeweller sells watches and a jailer watches cells.

John Holmes

Q: Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?

A: Cause he was outstanding in his field.