joke bank - Clean Jokes

A magician was driving down the road... then he turned into a driveway.

I’m looking for a bank which can perform two things;
Give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.

Ben: "Dad, there is a hole in my shoe."
Dad: "Yes, Ben, that's where you put your foot."

Q : Why do museums have old dinosaur bones ?
A : Because they can't afford new ones

Q: Why didn't the witch fly on her broom when she was angry?
A: She was afraid she would fly off the handle.

Q: What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.

Q: Why do pirates like algebra?
A: "Annex" marks the spot.

Q: What do you do with epileptic lettuce?
A: You make a seizure salad.

There was a plane and it had 5 people in it: a president, a lawyer, a young teenage boy, a priest and a blonde girl. The plane driver said that the plane was going to crash so one of them has to jump off without a parachute because there was only 4 so they were talking to each other about who was going to jump off without a parachute. The president spoke first and he said " I run a part of this earth so I should get a parachute" so he jumped off with one. Then the blonde girl spoke and she said " I look beautiful so I should get one too" so she jumped off with one. The next person to speak was the lawyer and he said " I help people solve their problems so I should get one" so he jumped off with one. Now there was only two people left: a priest and the teenage boy. The priest said to the boy " here you take the last parachute and go because you will live a longer life then me" but then the boy said "no, it's all right because there is still 2 parachutes left. The blonde girl only took my backpack".

Dad: Son, I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No.
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: Okay then!
Dad goes to Bill Gate.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No.
Dad: My son is the CEO of the world's greatest bank.
Bill Gates: Okay then!
Dad goes to the CEO of the world's greatest bank.
Dad: Make my son the CEO.
CEO: No.
Dad: My son is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
CEO: Okay then!
This is BUSINESS.

A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"

Q: What has a face and two hands but no arms, legs, or a body?
A: A clock.