Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jesús is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jesús is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jesús is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jesús."
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"