joke bank - Clean Jokes

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy." The mother asked, "What did you do?" The boy replied, "I hit him with my purse!"

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"

Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.

Q: What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
A: You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish.

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and George said, "No," and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
A: Microchips!

If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God, does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?