An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!!
A mom and a son come home from the grocery store. The boy immediately empties out a box of animal crackers and the mom asks him why. The boy says, "You should not eat it if the seal is broken, so I'm looking for the seal."
I'm thinking of becoming a hitman... I heard they make a killing.
Q: Who earns a living by driving his customers away?
A: A taxi driver.