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joke bank - Clean Jokes

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

TheLaughFa...

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

Joke maker

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"

dherter

Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"

Deyc Daveyton

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.

Mark My Words

Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!"

Anonymous

Q: What type of sandals do frogs wear?
A: Open-toad!

polina

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

Anonymous

A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, "I'm here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I'm going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their balls which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck." The man says "Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?" The animal control employee says, "Oh, that's for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."

Dave

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."

Terence Ol...

Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.

Kimberly M...

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

TheLaughFa...