A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.
Q: What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?
A: "Get off me, homes!"
Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?