A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."

Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

Q: What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?
A: "Get off me, homes!"

Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
A: Fingernails.