joke bank - Clean Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

Q: What do cats eat for breakfast?
A: Mice Krispies.

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"

Man: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not enter."

Q. What do clouds do when they become rich?

A. They make it rain!

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!"

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."

Q: What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A: The letter "m."

Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.

A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and about an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, "I'm here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I'm going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their balls which calms the animal down so I can put him in the truck." The man says "Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?" The animal control employee says, "Oh, that's for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla."