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joke bank - Family Jokes

Q: What did the beaver say to the tree?
A: "It's been nice gnawing you!"

Anonymous

Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.

Mark My Words

Q: If storks bring white babies and crows bring black babies, what bring no babies?
A: Swallows.

Mark My Words

Two men are talking and one says to the other, “My wife’s doctor says she has menopause, and, man, has she been moody lately. How long do the symptoms of menopause usually last?” The other man replies, “Let me put it this way: menopause will be listed as the cause on your death certificate.”

TheLaughFa...

Two cannibals, a father and son, are walking down the street, when they notice a hot girl passing by. The son says to the father, "Daddy, I'm hungry, let’s eat that girl that just passed by." The father replies, "I've got a better idea son, let’s take this one home and eat your mother instead!"

qyomjan

A boy was going through his grandmother's wallet one night and found her ID card. "Grandma?" he asked,"How much do you weigh?" His grandmother replied, "That's not an appropriate question, Jimmy" He then asked, "How old are you?" She again replied, "That's not appropriate, Jimmy." Finally he asked, "Grandma, why did grandpa leave you?" Before she had time to answer, Jimmy looked at the card and said, "Oh I see, it's because you got an 'F' in sex."

Gotchi

Q: Why did the ink pots cry?
A: Their mother was in the pen doing a long sentence.

Anonymous

The bride, upon her engagement, goes to her mother and says, "I've found a man just like Father!" Her mother replies, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

xmastawong

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

leninakansy

Q: What do you call the child of parents from Iceland and Cuba?
A: An ice cube.

Anonymous

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Tanro Taitai

Growing up, my parents never grounded me unless they were really really mad. I can remember the first time they caught me drinking under age. Mom freaked out and grounded me for a month, but I guess that was a reasonable response for a parent of a second grader.

wfour