Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
A teacher asks, "What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?" A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."
A teenage boy takes a quadriplegic girl on a date to dinner and the movies. At the end of the night out, he drives her back home and they start making out in his car. He tells the girl he feels uncomfortable doing this where her parents could come outside and catch them in the act. She says not to worry because she has a place they can go. So he helps her in her chair and she tells him to wheel her into the backyard. When they get in the back, she shows him a huge weeping willow tree that they can hide under and says he can do whatever he wants to her. Under the tree, she shows him two branches that can prop her up and he has his way with her. When they finish, he dresses himself and her, puts back into her chair, wheels her to the front door, and knocks. When her father sees the young man, he thanks him. The boy feels very uncomfortable because of what he just did to the man's daughter and asks, "Why are you thanking me?" "Because son," the father answers, "You are the first boy to take her out of the tree."
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom said, "Don't worry. That part where the hair has grown is called a Monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." At dinner, the girl told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister replied, "That’s nothing. Mine is already eating bananas."
Teacher: "Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?"
Student: "A heart attack."