joke bank - Family Jokes

A man admitted he lied on his income tax return: he listed himself as the head of the household!

TheLaughFa...

I'm tired of my grandma! Whenever someone's wedding comes up, she says, "Next is your turn." So I've decided when someone dies I'm going to say, "Next is your turn, grandma."

9Pakistan0

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Tanro Taitai

Kid: Will you remember me tomorrow?
Parent: yes
Kid: Will you remember me next week?
Parent: Yes
Kid: Will you remember me next month?
Parent: Yes
Kid: Will you remember me next year?
Parent: Yes
Kid: knock knock
Parent: Who's there?
Kid: See you forgot me already, how could you do this to me!

Everyone

Q: How do you make antifreeze?
A: You steal her pajamas.

Anonymous

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to say, "But I never turn it on!" and two to say, "But I did it last time!"

shoff40

An uneducated father with his educated son went for a camping
they set up a tent and slept
father gets up after sometime and asks his son"what can you see in the sky?"
son:i can see many stars
father:what does it resemble?
son:there are many planets
father beats on his sons head and says "Someone has stolen our tent"

Anonymous

I went to my sisters house and saw her packing a suitcase. I asked, "What's going on?" She said, "I'm feeling homesick." I suggested, "But you're at your home now." She replied, "I know. I'm sick of it!"

Anonymous

Two cannibals, a father and son, are walking down the street, when they notice a hot girl passing by. The son says to the father, "Daddy, I'm hungry, let’s eat that girl that just passed by." The father replies, "I've got a better idea son, let’s take this one home and eat your mother instead!"

qyomjan

Q :How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
A: Walking......Jk,Rowling

Anonymous

Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."

Anonymous

A child asks, "Mommy, does God use our bathroom?" The mother replies, "No darling. Why do you ask?" The child says, "Because every morning daddy bangs on the door and shouts, 'Oh God, are you still in there?'"

Anonymous