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joke bank - Family Jokes

My friend came up to me at work looking depressed. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "I think I had sex with my third cousin." I replied, "If you're that worried about it, quit counting them!"

jimmy 8585

Cannibal #1: "I can't stand my mother-in-law."
Cannibal #2: "Why don't you just eat the vegetables?"

TheLaughFa...

Get a new car for your spouse; it will be a great trade!

Anonymous

A man went to the All Stars game with two front row seat tickets. He sat down and then another man asked him if the other chair was taken. The man said " no, it was supposed to be for my wife." The other man said " well where is she? And he said "she died two days ago" from a stroke. The other man said "well thats unfortunate, I'm so sorry for you. But should'nt you give this seat to another family members?" And the man said, "no they're all at the funeral"

Anonymous

Q :How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
A: Walking......Jk,Rowling

Anonymous

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

Anonymous

Kid: Will you remember me tomorrow?
Parent: yes
Kid: Will you remember me next week?
Parent: Yes
Kid: Will you remember me next month?
Parent: Yes
Kid: Will you remember me next year?
Parent: Yes
Kid: knock knock
Parent: Who's there?
Kid: See you forgot me already, how could you do this to me!

Everyone

Boy: Hey mum can I have 100 dollars?

Mum: Son money doesn't grow on trees

Boy: Where does money come from?

Mum: Paper

Boy: Does Paper come from?

Mum: ...

Anonymous

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she might Let it Go... Let it Go...

frozen

Kid ask your dad this? How were people born then say this.
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

April Edwards