A father and son are out shopping for Christmas presents for their family. The son asks, "What present are my sister and I going to get?" The dad answers, "I got you guys an iPad and iPod." "Wow, thanks," the son replies, "What will you give mom?" The dad says, "Your mom is getting an iRon."
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.” “That's odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!” “That's weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets." “That's strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What's wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”
Three old friends got together and were discussing what movie they had watched when they conceived their children. One lady says she had just watched a movie called The Search for One-eye Jimmy and nine months later she gave birth to her baby. Another lady says, "Oh, I saw the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and then nine months later I had septuplets." The last lady gasps and exclaims, "Oh no, I just watched 101 Dalmations!"
Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says, "We're from Nebraska." Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?" The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from." "Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the worst piece of ass I ever had was from Nebraska." The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?" The husband replies, "He thinks he knows you, mama."
Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.