A married couple, Harry and Esther, are out shopping one morning when Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric." Harry replies, "How about a chair?"
An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill you." A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill myself."
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other man will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other man says, "Go home, dad. You’re drunk."
Q: Why didn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was on the deck.
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?" The baby mosquito replied, "It went great. Everyone was clapping for me!"