joke bank - Family Jokes

A doctor tells an old couple at his office he needs to get a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood test from the old man. Hard of hearing, the old man asks his wife what the doctor said. The wife replies, "He needs a pair of your underwear."

Mark My Words

Q: Why didn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was on the deck.

slic hated

Three old friends got together and were discussing what movie they had watched when they conceived their children. One lady says she had just watched a movie called The Search for One-eye Jimmy and nine months later she gave birth to her baby. Another lady says, "Oh, I saw the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and then nine months later I had septuplets." The last lady gasps and exclaims, "Oh no, I just watched 101 Dalmations!"

PEPE WHO

Q: Why did the runner stop listing to music?
A: Because she broke too many records.

Anonymous

"Johnny, why did you kick your brother in the stomach?" exclaimed the angry mother. “It was pure accident, Mama. He turned around.”

TheLaughFa...

A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?" The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family." The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"

Anonymous

Q. What did the pop star do when he locked himself out?
A. He sang until he found the right key!

hello_the_...

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"

Anonymous

Q: Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she'll let it go!

SCOCBEE33

A teacher asks, "What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?" A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."

omidmodern

Q: What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?
A: "It's pasture bedtime."

Lee Ann S.

A hillbilly family's only son saves up money to go to college. After about three years, he comes back home. They are sitting around the dinner table, when the dad says, ''Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?'' ''Ok, Pa.'' The son then says, ''Pi R squared.'' After a moment, the dad says, ''Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pie are round, cornbread are square.''

aashok