A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving." The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then!"

When I was young, I used to eat a lot because my parents told me that fat kids are harder to kidnap.

A mother went to pick up her daughter from elementary school and found her doing handstands against the wall. When they got into the car, the mother said, "Darling, I wish you wouldn't do that because the boys can see your panties." "Okay, mommy", the little girl replied. The next day, the mother noticed her little girls hands looked dirty, so she asked, "You haven't been doing handstands again and letting those boys see your panties, have you?" "Oh no mummy," the daughter replied. "Honestly! I took them off first."

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

"Mom, does God go to the bathroom?" a son asked. The mom replied, "No son, why?" The son said, "Well every morning Dad goes to the bathroom and pounds on the door and shouts, 'Oh God! Are you still in there?!?!' "