joke bank - Family Jokes

A boy went home from school. His homework was to put down the things his family said.

So he goes to his mother who was talking on the phone. The boy asked "Mum, can you help me do my homework? The mother says "Shut up!" And goes back talking on the phone. The boy wrote that down.

He then went to his father watching a football commercial saying "Hell yeah!"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little sister and his sister said "Lollipop, Lollipop"
So the boy wrote that down.
The boy went to his little brother and the brother said "DUNDUNUNUNUN, BATMAN!"
So the boy wrote that down.

The next day, the boy went to school and the teacher said "So what are the words?"
The boy said "Shut up!"
The teacher, shocked, calmly said " Do you want to go to the principal's office?"
The boy said "Hell yeah!"

So at the principal's office, the principal said "What do you think you deserve in this situation?"
The boy said "Lollipop lollipop!"
The principal yelled "Who do you think you are?!"
And the boy said " DUNUNUNUNU, BATMAN!"

A married couple, Harry and Esther, are out shopping one morning when Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric." Harry replies, "How about a chair?"

Son: "Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations for a community swimming pool."
Father: "Okay, give him a glass of water."

Q. What's an astronaut's favorite social media website?

A. MySpace

Have you heard the story of the magic sandwich? Never mind, it's just a bunch of bologna.

''Doctor, my nose is 11 inches long!"
''Come back when it grows into a foot!"

A fourth grade teacher asks the class, "Have any of you ever saved somebody's life?" A little boy raises his hand, "Yes, my little nephew's." "Wow, what a little hero you are! How did you do that, sweetie?" asks the teacher. The little guy replies, "I hid my sister's birth control pills!"

Ben: "Dad, there is a hole in my shoe."
Dad: "Yes, Ben, that's where you put your foot."

A girl asks her father, " Why does it rain? Is it God sweating or crying?" " No," says her father, " it rains to make the plants grow. Do you understand?" " Not exactly," says the girl. " Why does it rain on the sidewalk?"

The bride, upon her engagement, goes to her mother and says, "I've found a man just like Father!" Her mother replies, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Q. What do you call a fly without wings?

A. A walk

Two antennas got married. The marriage was horrible, but the service was great.